1. |
Haunted
01:55
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How do you convince yourself that you're not a bad person?
Haunted by the mistakes I told myself I wouldn't make
How do you convince yourself that you're not a bad person?
If your choices are what define you
I have no choice but to play the Martyr for making poor decisions
Kill me (please)
Kill me (please)
I'm begging you
End this for me
End this for me
Relieve me of this pain
I've hurt so many people
I know it's all in my head but I can't help but blame myself for others' pain whether I caused it or not. It's become this whirlpool of hating myself I can't swim out of.
I'm drowning.
So end this please
Now let me go
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2. |
Spiraling ft. Liam King
02:50
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You might hear us
But are you listening?
Filled with so much emotion
And somehow still so numb
Conscious of our fading
We wither away
Seemingly talking to a wall
We cannot unpack this all
We wake up, all we do is
DECAY DECAY
Desperate to find the root cause of why we're this way
We go about our day and
DECAY DECAY
So anxious yet eager for the moment we slip away
You don't blame the light for leaving you in a dark room you fight the dark for not illuminating your surroundings
Feeling every second of every day
Pleading to get lost in a task. Instead, a state of constant disarray
Functioning as best we can to preserve our pride
Constantly wondering when all this pain will subside
You don't blame the light for leaving you in a dark room
You fight the dark for not illuminating your surroundings
The inclusivity of loss, of understanding the purest pain
Maybe we're not alone, maybe we're not alone
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3. |
Pride
03:09
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I'm not myself
So who am I?
Trapped in this body
Is this hell?
I'm screaming but no one can hear me
This is simply agony
I've ripped down the walls in my mind and found nothing
I guess I'll just deteriorate
But There's actually something wrong
I'm vindicated
Who am I holding this over?
But hey I'm vindicated
Pride is weighing heavy
Please just let me be
Get out of my head
Please just let me sleep
Fuck me, I'm broken fundamentally
We should not be suffering
Or dreaming of a better day
There's no way this is what life is supposed to be?
Please just let me be
Get out of my head
Please just let me sleep
Fuck me, I'm broken fundamentally
Just let me be
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4. |
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Becoming one with the earth
I've started the decaying process
The rain swallows me
Cold and lifeless
It's finally over
At last some peace
You told me it was the most selfish thing I could do
So I'm glad I finally put myself first
And embraced what the storm knew
At last some peace
Call it a downpour
Call it whatever brings you solace
For how long do you love your dead son
After it was the most selfish thing he could do?
How long do you mourn your dead husband
When he was fighting solely for you?
The rains begin to dissipate and clouds start to wither away
Beams of light pierce the darkness
My head still resting in the same place
But the scenery is changing before my eyes
Clear skies make for a clearer mind
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5. |
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I don't know what to do
So I sit here motionless
You abandoned me when I needed you most
I still remember that call
At least you let me know you were done
I had to figure it out on my own
So I scrounged up the courage/resolve and made it through the night
Without you
I don't want this
I'm somehow below low
I don't need this
I should have fucking known
I can't do this
Why can't I let this go?
I still don't know if I did anything wrong
Can never tell by your tone and if you're blaming me
Why am I the one that's always wrong?
You never told me why, you just left and severed ties.
I still blame myself for this
And I overthink every last relationship I have
I still hate myself for this
Clearly I did something wrong and I can't process what happened
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6. |
S.C.D.I.A.B.D.R.E.M.I.X
00:51
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7. |
Trapped ft. Jeff Cook
03:05
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I know you because you're me
Things aren't the way you wanted them to be
You don't want to be here anymore
And believe me I understand
But you cannot leave me you just can't up and leave me abandoned
You need to know
I won't let you go
You are not your flaws
I know you because you're me
Every second is misery
All we know in this life are pain and suffering but I'm begging
Please don't leave me
Unwillingly in a self made prison
Beating yourself up for not being present
But
You are worthy
You are cared for
You are needed
You are loved
I need you to know
I won't let you go
We both didn't ask to be here, crushed and barely breathing
Let me go
I won't let you go
I wish you didn't feel the way you do
I wish you could see how I see you
You're so much more than you give yourself credit for
And I know that life can be a god damn chore
I wish you could see there's so much more
Because we deserve to be loved and cared for
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8. |
Burdens
01:49
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Weigh me down and walk me into the ocean
And Let me drown
Cut my ties and let me fall
Out of your mind
I know this isn't the first time we've met
But I still don't know you
How could I know you?
Alleviate my mind from your burdens
The ones I took as mine
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9. |
||||
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How do you convince yourself that you're not a bad person?
Haunted by the mistakes I told myself I wouldn't make
How do you convince yourself that you're not a bad person?
If your choices are what define you
I have no choice but to play the Martyr for making poor decisions
Kill me (please)
Kill me (please)
I'm begging you
End this for me
End this for me
Relieve me of this pain
I've hurt so many people
I know it's all in my head but I can't help but blame myself for others' pain whether I caused it or not. It's become this whirlpool of hating myself I can't swim out of.
I'm drowning.
So end this please
Now let me go
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10. |
Flaws ft. Lily Crimi
03:18
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Prefacing my descent
I hover before gravity consumes me
I've been here before and I can't stop it
There is nothing beneath my feet
And now I know what to anticipate
I'm Spiraling, spiraling down
I'm ungrateful, I'm thankless now
I'm useless and still alive somehow
I'm Spiraling, spiraling down
I'm doing the best with what I know
It still isn't enough
I know no one cares
And I fucking hate myself for thinking anyone does
I know I have done bad things
So I'm assuming this is my punishment
The only thing I've killed is my will to live
How could I do this?
I guess I have to live with this
Has my moral atonement not forsaken me?
Why should I fight to stay alive If Im already Dead On the inside
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11. |
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Turn the lights off
I can't bear to look at what we've become
Rip the fucking switch out of the wall
So it's one less thing on my mind
Trapped in this room stuck with myself
They're all around me, just waiting
They've always been there but only
Prominent when I could physically feel time
Fuck you and I
Just you and I
You're ruining me
You're choking me
Just you and I
You're smothering me
You're killing me
What's different this time?
You're all I am, you're all I see
Trapped in you
You're all I hear, you're all I feel
Lost in you
I don't know how to lose you
Just get out of my head
But who am I really kidding?
I told myself I wouldn't be defined by this
yet here I am propagating the cause
I knew I couldn't handle this because
I can't fundamentally take care of myself
I'm so hopeless but eagerly desperate
That I can find solace in someone else
I'm so sick of what I have to say and know that you are too
I just can't get a grip of what else I'm supposed to do
Hating you is hating me
Being you is a disservice to me
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12. |
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I'm aimless
I'm goalless
I just want you to be happy
I always thought I'd be dead by 25
So I truly feel I'm stealing all your time
Where did I go wrong? I just wanted this to mean something
I wish I could have done it different, done it right, been able to keep your attention.
I just hope I've done enough for you
You've given me enough time
I just hope I've been enough for you
I can't get you out of my mind
When I said, "it's fucked up and I hate it" (please don't go)
It was my obsession with never being left alone
And trying to cope
I'm on the fence between
Life meaning nothing and everything
In the grand scheme
Forget it
Forget me
Just Forget me
All that matters is your smile
And I hope you see that I’d do anything for you
It's hard to feel alone
When you are my home
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Hornbill Utah
Major Key Alt Rock about sad stuff with a mathy twist.
Brought to you by: Bob - Salt Lake City
Ryan - Baltimore
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