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I'm Sad and I Don't Know Why

by Hornbill

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1.
Pathetic 03:11
Tied down to the river bed The current ever flowing Thoughts forever racing What should I have said? I always thought I'd die alone And I was right Breathing in water My lungs overflowing My chest is heavy I can't fucking breathe Starting to fade Things turning grey My thoughts arrive at peace Lifeless swaying The river becomes calm I've reached tranquility I'm decaying again Fabricated in my head I'm fading again Comfortable in my death bed I'm really falling now The wind manipulating my face I thought for sure my heart would be sprinting Should I brace myself? I have some time to think here Not much though I guess I wonder if I should have let someone know Looking over my body Witnessing such a pathetic sight I brought myself to end it all And I couldn't even do that right No peace No sanctity No love No nothing
2.
Submerged 03:22
I miss you I find myself reliving memories Or at least the things that I remember Words from your mouth stuck on repeat I close my eyes and I'm looking into yours I'm at peace until I blink I guess my eyes are drying out Things don't happen for a reason Please don't go It's fucked up and I hate it Please don't go I don't want to be alone I don't know if I can do this Please don't go I miss you And I miss the way I felt Absorbed by your presence My heart became a stone Sinking into your corrosive waters The deeper I descend The calmer I become Ultimately drowning in you I'll happily take one last breath or two My lungs subsequently collapse But at least I'll die inhaling you
3.
Absence 01:54
I cant save myself Buried alive in the absence of feeling Creating infertile soil in which a lone rose grows Pluck it now and preserve its meaning That way you can dissect the pieces of which it's composed You'll find nothing there and can finally write me off The ink will disappear and leave your canvas free I'll be easier to forget when your life is unpaused But I'm always there as a distant memory
4.
Unloved 02:59
It's coming around again I'm trapped No passion, no intensity Fractures within me Like a shattered mirror But the reflection Isn't me A void in me I've tried to find those feelings I've tried to find those feelings where the love once existed Its now a baron wasteland The sweltering heat Prevents me from looking much further Though I know nothings there I've been searching for a while And was able to take solace in a mirage Until I finally knew it wasnt real So now I'm here again Surrounded by the guilt and shame And now I know I'm only to blame Nothing left, nothing left Suffering and knowing I'm the cause Creating lapses in my breath Nothing left, nothing left A shell of my potential being Absolutely stripped of sense I'm embarrassed and ashamed I truly gave everything I had Now an empty sky brings no light An abundance of grey is my guide I don't want to lose everything But the weight on my heart is overbearing
5.
I found out from a friend But I had a weird feeling something was wrong My heart began to race A numbing wave came over me So I sit, I wait, I blink, I faint I come to and nothing's the same I'm fucking selfish because I'm only thinking of how I'm affected At the end of the day I only want you happy But most of all, here I wish I could tell you now You're gone and I don't know what to do Everyday blends together without you Fighting A feeling I wish I never knew You're gone and I don't know what to do Another night I cannot sleep Eyes closed, my body cant rest I can't stand you not being here Gradually the sun resets Wide awake My chest caved in My glass heart in pieces The shards bury into the soles of my feet I leave behind this trail of blood I'm fucking nothing without you
6.
Wrong 01:56
Something feels wrong It keeps me up at night Something feels wrong Why can't I feel right I'm a burden I'm a curse No one should feel this way Yet here I am Why do I feel this way This isn't fair Yet here I am
7.
I am no longer myself Wandering aimlessly Pacing and retracing steps I'm reliving what I could have done differently I know the knife is still inside me But I don't feel the pain I know the knife is still stuck in me No I don't feel a thing Symbiotic to say the least A constant memory of my remorse The wound was self inflicted But still heals like any other Replaying every second in my head I gotta get out Punishing myself for the past Something's are always better left unsaid So I shut my mouth And pray that this new me lasts Quicksand rising I'm stuck in the past My presence fading Overanalyzed unrest I'm in love with heartbreak It's like I seek it out because It's the only way I can potentially Feel something other than anxiety Chest compressing Emotionally crippling I'm so sick of feeling alone But I don't know how to let anyone in I'm living in the past But I think I was more lost back then Than I ever have been So sick of feeling worthless
8.
Bloom 04:01
Momentous regret is eating me It lifts the skin from underneath A makeshift shelter for innonance Collapsing in on itself Hiding behind self built barriers Like vines cascading broken brick walls To mask the fact I'm wrong Blighted by forgiveness This weightlessness isn't freeing Air trapped in a stagnant room Anxiously awaiting new circulation Dust particles collecting I am content What do I do when I'm not? Splinter within me Valleys in me bloom The sun has just risen A gentle kiss of warmth Like the perfect distance from a fire Fresh blossoms swallow the light But we await our wilting Peacefully lowering my head But the strain on my neck weighs heavy Autumn is on the horizon And we anticipate decay My nails peel back and I cannot get a grip Where stems once sprouted grows guilt Movements grow slow And my body recomposes The once diminished black hole inside Accumulates it's toll I'd prefer to stay alive But I am not myself here I'm choosing to reside in this valley And hope the seasons subside
9.
Empty 00:54
I wanted to apologize for anything and everything I've ever done to make you feel like you weren't good enough. I'm sad and I don't know why. I still feel so worthless. I still feel that I don't belong here and I'm sorry. I hope that I've been able to show you I'm working on this; on me. But I can honestly say I wouldn't be here without you. You are everything.
10.
Rescued 04:03
I hope he knew how much he was loved I hope it wasn't too little too late An existence comprised of neglect Broken, battered, sick and tired Endless infatuation thrown to the wayside The only companion he had ripped from him So he fled to find her, he fled to find her An undeniable presence I pray he was able to shed all fear An everlasting love And I still wish you were here The seemingly infinite wilderness pushed back But what's an eye when all you see is bull shit Finally rescued, but only from the winter's grasp Now his bite is altered as his tongue slips out What is happening? Fighting only gets tougher as you grow older But he didn't stop until his body grew colder But now he's finally here He rests his head on my lap Finally able to relax without worry I wish he could stay in that moment forever He deserved every semblence of peace He deserved every chance to be comfy He deserved every ounce of love He deserved everything he was deprived of

about

Here is our first album. We hope you like it<3

credits

released September 25, 2020

Written, recorded, and produced by Ryan Shreeve and Bob Godden.

Bob Godden - Guitar, Bass, Vocals
Ryan Shreeve - Drums, Vocals, Production
Logan Voss - Vocals on "Pining"
Keith Higgins - Vocals on "Worthless"
Scott Rinebold - Vocals on "Bloom", "Pathetic", and "Rescued"
Jared Kellner - Vocals on "Unloved", Bloom", and "Rescued"
Brittany Brown - Vocals on "Submerged", "Wrong", and "Rescued"

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Hornbill Utah

Major Key Alt Rock about sad stuff with a mathy twist.

Brought to you by: Bob - Salt Lake City
Ryan - Baltimore

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